Bitches of Late

Boy has this ever been a roller coaster ride. Life in my life is never easy, nor has it never been. I have serious doubts as to the normalcy of life anyhow.  The last few months have definitely been an eye opener on who you can and cannot trust. You think you have people in  your life who are your friends and have your best interest at heart but in reality they have their own agenda and you were just something to step on in their pathway to something else. Denial , hmm that is a big one too. I have always said that I do not want to be a statistic, I do not want to be a victim and refuse to , yet here I am again, letting it happen. It's almost as if I am living through the abuse I had endured my entire life. I try to put up a strong front, a bold portrayal of an image that I am a little bad ass but it doesn't seem to work for very long. Yes I am a strong woman, but there are times when those of us who seem to carry the weight upon our shoulders get weary and tired and at times can no longer shoulder the weight of the world, so to speak. Within the last year I thought I had made friends with some good people. Turns out they were everything I didn't want to be or want to be exposed to but true to my nature I endured and kept them as friends despite our differences in beliefs and actions. That is how I am, I am your friend until I can't be anymore, until it is harmful to my own life and sanity. I feel like I am all over the place instead of being focused like I am supposed to be. I do my best to keep my word, do what I say, be where I say I will be and just do everything I can to honor my commitments.  Recently the butchering of my character, who I am and what I believe in has been devastating. I treat others with respect, I honor them, honor my word and our relationships, and it really bothers me that others cannot do the same, that it is just a game to them.  So here is an incident, arrangements were made to travel to a certain location for an event, last word I got that we were all going. Mind you I am ill with bronchitis, but I said I would do this and intended to keep my word. So I go to the locations, they didn't show up, and being natives  I know that people run on ndn time, so my son and i went ahead and traveled. They never showed up, I was on the hook for 2 hotel rooms, anyhow I cancelled the rooms, luckily they gave me my $$ back. That was so gracious of them. I found out that those people sent me a message AFTER I had left saying they were not going. So of course I was at my wits end, the last straw and I exploded. They acted as it were no big deal, a "so what" attitude. Well apparently I was in the wrong for even going, mind you I was keeping my word. So they proceeded to trash the heck out of me, my kid and my entire being. I jumped back at them and of a sudden became the bad person. Never mind I was so disrespected.. I was the bad person. I am so damn tired of double standards. Then a person who I thought was a friend as well, did the very same thing only in such an evil way that those old trust issues of mine have reared their ugly head again. How can a person profess to be your friend, act so sincere and in all the while they are pumping you for infomation only to use it against you. What kind of person does this? Now I believe that i was blindsided by all of this. I should have been smarter and on the ball with it. People can be so very tricky, so manipulating and their actions so sincere and believable. I can't stop being who I am, I don't want to be entirely jaded...